False Connection


Connected.  Connected with infinite hardware, software and cloudspace. Really, there are those who share more of the “truth” with strangers than with the loved one sitting next to them. So caught up in the freedom of expression, filters for privacy are removed.

Longing and loneliness are as siblings fueling the need to be too wordy, too chatty, too revealing.  We seek confirmation through our words spilled on virtual paper from our virtual friends and virtual family.  Emotional connections replacing physical existance, except through the harware.

This one image represents the true message that we are all trying to communicate.  When we look deeper into the message, pay close attention.  The message says “there’s a blessing in the storm”.  Do you see it?  Do you feel it? Are you vertically connected?

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The Synonyms of my Single Word Are …

Moments lost to me are frustrating, challenged by memory capacity.  But the human brain is more powerful than any computer on the planet.  Yet, the memory dump cycle is one I have not been able to prevent.  I want to find my fortune by counting a million smiles from my past.  I keep stopping before I even reach one hundred.  I know I laughed more than once at that.  I should count that experience five times for the times I do not remember.

High school was not fun.  I did not want to go back after the horrible experiences of exclusion I felt.  It was my perspective, my reality.  I only remember smiling when I felt the anger in the room because I busted the curve on the test score.  Yelp I am smiling right now about that.  Joy, joy, joy! What an abundance of joy!

Oh, wait there was the summer naps I took in the old oak trees.  Climbing to the middle of the tree, feeling the warm breeze, I escaped my reality to get as close to the clouds as I could and then I would sleep; peaceful and serene.  I totally value those memories.  It seems that I have found my abundance when I am in isolation.  The fortune which comes from moments of connecting to my creator and my existence is truly a gem.

I am on the hardwood!  Every time I release the ball the crowd screams “cash”.  That was how I did it. Raining deep shots before they became three pointers, that was just a part of my game.  Once you got to close, I got you with that first step, to the rim, slap the back board as if to say, “ you know you can’t hold me!” The golden moments like that resonate on a cosine wave as I cross another player over, they slip and the crowd yells, “whoa”.  The precious gems I carry with me to help me reach my smile goal today.  Approaching 1 million quickly!

It’s that time, they call my name, ladies and gentlemen, let’s welcome back “Crysmys” (sounds like the holiday).  Yeah, I am at the karaoke bar doing my Gladys Knight, Patti Labelle and Mary J. Blige renditions.  I am the riches person in the world in those moments.  I drink for free and eat for free because intoxicated people want to buy me a drink or something to eat.  What a way to gain capital smiles.

Have you figured out my word? I treasure when I can be doing me for me and others are entertained.  I treasure my time alone to center on what I am called to be.  I still eat alone. I don’t climb trees any more. I still shoot, mentally. And I sing for Lord in the choir, on the praise team and every now and then I sing lead.  I treasure smiles.  I get them everyday now by working in a high school, with teens. I am back reliving the worse moments of my life in a perfect time in my life.  Now, I love being in high school.  I love the connection the students and I make and the comfort they get from feeling connected to an adult who will listen.  I truly love the smiles on their face when they realize they can do the math.  Yes, they can (and so can you). Every time a child smiles, it counts as 100 smiles for me.  I am also counting the smile on your face right now from reading this. I treasure my moments when I understood, understand, used and use the gifts God has given me.

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Runnin from

Running to

Cry now

Laugh later

Never turn your back

Never trust a stranger

Tip your waiter

Dining alone is not as bad as it may sound

Rainbows are great, but I do love the preview when the clouds are hovering

The light show is also illuminating

The sound of rain

Skylines and infinity

The horizon is unreachable

Math defines my world

Infinite thoughts leave me frozen in one spot

Undefined point and infinity

This is the best list for me.

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Why Do I Write?

Why do I write is a great question if I were writing monthly, weekly, or daily.  The only time I write now is when work requires me to.  I feel like I traded my passion for security.  I can record my past tense version, or I can state some hopeful outcomes.  Even using the word “outcome” makes me feel like I am being to professional.

I want to write to silence the voices in my head.  My thoughts scream for a release in a creative way.  Twenty years ago, I was on my way to becoming the next Toni Morrison, Maya Angelou or Nikki Giovanni.  I made time to write the same way I made time to workout.  It is amazing how 20 years have passed and I am trying my best to push restart for both writing and working out.

I did exactly what I promised myself I would not do.  Life did have ripple affects that changed the course of this floating leaf. Some of these recent rocks smashing into life’s lake have made me crave to release my thoughts. I have to at least give myself a fair shot at writing again.  I have to see if I am capable of creating story lines from facts and imagination or retailing life’s opinion and experiences in away that will turn down the volume and increase that feeling of completion.

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Who I Am ? Why I Am Here?

These are daily questions for me. I can provide a bios or a short resume; however, each would only provide a list of a past I no longer desire to live in.  The memories are valuable antiques which only I can truly appreciate. Nothing tangible, just short clips of laughter, sorrow, excitement, and suspense which deflated in the end.

I could provide you a description of my spiritual source.  But for now, I will keep that vertical connection private.

I am in this class to hopefully provide some fuel to an almost burnt out camp fire that has burned for years within me.  I want to write and blog about nothing and everything.  I want to get lost as a word-smith of opinion and facts.  And maybe, just maybe, my work will entertain and educate others.

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